I Never Even Knew Him
by QueenArla
Summary: The dead never come back, but they leave behind enough to break the strongest of the living. Naruto had been strong and living until the bastard broke him.


_Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto._

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I **Never Even Knew Him**

He died heroically, of course. Naruto had never expected otherwise. Sasuke would probably have thought that dying surrounded by the people you loved was below him. _Weak_ , he would have said, _pathetic and lame_. _Not worthy of a true shinobi. Not worthy of an Uchiha._

Uchiha, that cursed name. The name of which he had been so proud. The name he'd thrown away his life for. And when Naruto had called him out on it, he'd screamed that Naruto had no idea what it was like, to try to live up to the expectations, to never be able to do so because _Naruto, you've always been alone! You don't know what it's like to lose somebody close to you! To lose everybody!_

 _Yeah_ , Naruto wanted to say. _Yeah, I have. And it probably feels something like this, Sasuke because I'm pretty sure I'm losing you, and it hurts so much I might keel over. But I won't because that would mean giving up, and I never give up._

Naruto scoffed. If he'd thought he'd known pain - the emotional kind - _then_ , he'd been sorely, utterly mistaken. He was sure that this was as bad as it got. He stared disinterestedly at the door, the banging sounds not registering in his brain until it shattered into a thousand splinters, on the dirty floor of the tiny apartment. Footsteps thundered into the bedroom, blasting open a second door, revealing a pink-haired woman with teary green eyes. Her fist was still out, stance aggressively defensive.

Naruto didn't even flinch.

Sakura's eyes were already filled with tears. Now, they spilled over her cheeks, as she took in the state of him. He knew he looked terrible - dirty clothes stained with a dark red in almost every place, lank blond locks with none of their usual luster and quite obviously torn off in some places, huge bruise-like bags under his eyes that dimmed his blue irises more than the grief ever could - and he'd be damned if anyone got him to care again.

The medic slowly neared him, and laid her head on his lap, allowing herself to cry softly.

Naruto disliked the sound, knowing their restrained nature, as if Sakura was trying to hold back the grief, to desperately let go and just… _move on_. Naruto realized he hated those words.

'Are you eating, Naruto?'

He made a shrugging motion and made the effort to turn away from her. But she was having none of it. Grasping his shoulder and forcefully flipping him to face her.

'You need to stop, Naruto. This has gone on long enough. Get up, take a shower, then come _eat_.'

He didn't look up, simply uttered a noise that hinted at his amusement.

'So Sasuke has already been replaced, huh Sakura-chan? Who's the lucky new guy?' His voice was hoarse from disuse.

Or not.

'Sasuke Uchiha can _never_ be replaced, and I will never forget him. One doesn't tend to forget first loves, Naruto, and you better believe it because if you weren't in such a sorry state right now, I'd make sure you got exactly what you deserved for what you just said.'

He flinched at her stern tone. She sighed.

'It's been three weeks, Naruto. No one stopped you from grieving, but you need to keep going. The world isn't going to wait for you to recover.'

Her tone was soft, but her words hit harshly home, like kunai, when they pierced bull's eye. Tiredly, he pulled off the blanket, slipped off the bed and stepped towards the bathroom. As the cold water battered his injured body, he closed his eyes, leaned against the wall and relished the pain. It was a reminder of the things he could have done, the words he should have said. It was only when Sakura banged on his door to come out - _what are you doing in there? It's been an hour and a half!_ \- did he notice the shivers that wracked his body, and the trembling of his hands as he turned off the faucet.

 _Good_ , he thought grimly, _I deserve worse_.

'I'm sorry, Sasuke, I'm so sorry.'

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 _A/N: All feedback is appreciated._


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